Change IS, in fact, good

It has been a while since I have been here writing down my thoughts, not really so that others can read them, but to express them into something tangible.  There is something cathartic about seeing your thoughts somewhere other than just in your mind.

What I have been thinking about lately are the changes that have been a part of my life since I have last posted (back in Jan!).  Since then, E- and I have sold our house in AL, moved to Colorado Springs, built a house and moved into that house, and have been unpacking boxes.

As those of you that have been around me for a long enough time know, I avoid change if possible.  I have posted in the past when this whole Colorado Springs assignment was in its infancy that my insides were in knots trying to figure out what to do, mainly because of wanting to stay on the safe path of non-change.

However, what I have recently realized is that this change was one of the better decisions I have made.  What I have realized, against my normal judgment, is that a life change can be good.

On the job front, I had grown stagnant, going to and from work just to go to and from work.  By stagnant, I am not talking about being promoted or not, my position, or the type of work I was doing.  I am talking about truly looking forward to my work.  Looking forward to the unknowns that might come up during the work day and looking forward to working through whatever problems might come my way.  I used to have that a while ago, but it had quietly and subtly moved to the back.  It has taken the move to a new location to awaken this feeling again.

On the running front, as I wrote back in Dec:
 It suddenly dawned on me that in these runs, it was not that my body was full of running.  It was that my body was full of joy.  The smile on my face while I was running was the excess joy that my body could not contain.

This was something that I had not felt for some time.  It took some running next to the Rockies, soaking in the view, along with some cold, non-humid weather, to stoke the fire within me and bring the joy back to the surface.  But it is back and I am hoping it stays for a long, long time.

Yes, the "joy of running" is still here and on the surface approaching a year later.  I am back to handling a serious training schedule.  I am back to running in races and having goal races that I am shooting for.  And, most importantly, I am still smiling like a fool sometimes on my runs.

And last but not least, on the personal front my life seems more than right.  My marriage feels stronger.  My love for Elizabeth has grown through this change on an exponential rise.  I am getting to experience new places and new things alongside her.  I am loving getting to take the dogs for their walk and watching them experience their new sights and sounds. I am enjoying actually having different seasons and getting to once again do things like standing and staring straight up as snow is falling.  Yes, I am even enjoying getting to shovel the drive again.

In all facets of my life, I am growing.  My brain feels more active, my body feels younger even though it is most definitely not headed that way, and my attitude has had an adjustment in the positive direction.

While it has taken me a little while to realize it and to get over the fears in my head that push me toward decisions of staying on the safe path, picking up and moving across the country has been invigorating to me.

Change IS, in fact, good and I am finding that out.

Quick Random Thoughts

Been sitting here by myself in CoS, having random thoughts in my somewhat self-imposed, isolated living, and thought I would jot some down.  In no particular order or subject:

• I understand the sadness associated with texting someone you love because you are missing them and not getting a reply quickly (because they aren't like you and are actually busy doing something) and I understand the joy associated with texting someone you love and getting a reply back almost immediately.
• Corollary I: Receiving a text back makes one feel closer in space to someone that you are missing.
• Corollary II: If there is someone in your life that you are missing terribly, find something, anything to text them about or call them about.  Even if you don't get a reply, keep doing it.  You'll feel closer.
• Corollary III: If there is someone in your life that has stopped communicating with you for whatever reason, find something, anything to text them about.  And keep texting even if they still don't respond or even if they never respond.  You have no idea what your texts may be doing.
• I have zero excuses for not focusing on my training and making sure I am doing everything to make myself better, like strength training, core training, yoga, and getting plenty of good sleep.
• I have zero excuses for not reading in the evenings, except, of course, if a hockey game is on.
• A hot tea in the evening is a perfect way to prepare for a great night's sleep.  You should try it.
• I find that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the next time E- is coming here or I am going to get to see her on a work trip back to AL.  Counting weeks, days, hours, whatever it takes...
• I have time to clean out those that I follow on social media.  If all someone has time to do is complain, they are gone.
• Popcorn will always be the perfect evening snack.  Don't @ me.
• I miss my puppers.
• Some nights it is a struggle to stay up past 7:00.

That's enough random thoughts for now.  It's 7:04, so time to get ready to go to bed and get some reading done after I finish my tea.

Running Full of Joy

Since moving to Colorado earlier this year on my long term assignment, my running has taken an unexpected turn.  I knew at first the altitude and the dryness were going to make running difficult and that it was going to take some adjustment time.  The traveling back to Alabama on work trips every couple of months threw wrenches into training as well.  Those items were expected though.

What was unexpected was the joy that would reenter my training.

To be clear, I have always loved running and to be clear, I have always enjoyed the training more than racing.  However, even though I love running, sometimes it feels like I am going through the motions in my training.  For a little while, I have been focused solely on keeping my hamstrings, my calf muscles, and everything else as healthy as I can.  Following my training schedule that my coach and I laid out was my focus.  In the process, I lost sight of why I run in the first place.  Because I love it.

A change in location, scenery and weather, is what it has taken to remind me of my love of running.  This re-insertion of joy into my morning training runs has slowly, yet persistently, occured.  It was so subtle at the beginning that I did not even notice it that it was there.  Looking back, there were signs, but I didn't fully notice them at the time.

The going to bed looking forward to the early morning alarm.  The slight excitement of listening to the weather forecast for the next morning and picking out my running clothes for the morning.  The waking up slightly before my alarm and wanting to get out of bed to get running.

This subtle joy was infecting more than just what I thought about getting out the door for training.   It was also entering my runs themselves, with or without me consciously noticing it.  The joy of seeing my breath on cold morning runs.  The joy of hearing my breathing while out running in the early morning before the quietness of the city was shattered by everyone getting out and about.  The joy of the sun coming up over the horizon.

While I have started to realize that I was enjoying my training runs more lately, it had not hit me with the full force that it did this weekend.

On my long run on Saturday morning, I got out early, although not quite as early as I do during the work week.  It was still dark and it was cold.  About 3 miles into my run, even though it was still less than 20º, I realized that I had a smile on my face.  While my face was still adjusting to the cold breeze, the rest of me was filled with warmth.  I took stock of my body, starting from my feet and working up to my head.  Everything seemed to be full of running.

The sun was just starting to inch up as I headed on a new path that I had not run on before.  About half way along this greenway, I looked up.  I hadn't noticed until right then that I had a perfect view of the whole breadth of the front range of the Rockies with the rising sun turning them that reddish-pinkish hue.  Given where I was, there was nothing blocking my view and I was able to take in the Rockies as they were meant to be seen.  Even though I was miles away from them, they appeared massive.  Overwhelming.  Before I knew it and without my mind taking part in the decision, I had stopped and was standing there with a goofy grin on my face looking left and right at this beautiful, impressive scene.  While I felt like staying there longer, soaking it in, I knew the rest of my run awaited.  So I took off again, the smile coming with me.

Next came my recovery run this morning.  I allowed myself the opportunity to sleep in a little this morning before going out for my run.  The sun was already starting to come up when I got out and let me tell you, my normal running routes looked different in the sunlight than in the dark.  I didn't have to worry about looking down to make sure I saw cracks and potholes waiting to twist my ankles which allowed me to look around more.  I enjoyed looking at the houses along my downtown route this morning.  I enjoyed looking at the Christmas decorations that many of them sported.  I enjoyed seeing more people out on their morning walks with their dogs, especially the seeing the dogs part.  Once again, I found myself smiling and once again, my body was full of running.

When I was finished with my run, I was thinking about how my runs had gone this weekend.  It suddenly dawned on me that in these runs, it was not that my body was full of running.  It was that my body was full of joy.  The smile on my face while I was running was the excess joy that my body could not contain.

This was something that I had not felt for some time.  It took some running next to the Rockies, soaking in the view, along with some cold, non-humid weather, to stoke the fire within me and bring the joy back to the surface.  But it is back and I am hoping it stays for a long, long time.

Long and Fast Weekends

By the title, you are probably saying to yourself, "Oh, great.  Another post of Jim's talking about how great of a long run he had this weekend."  Or maybe you are saying to yourself, "Oh, great. Another post about being tired of being injured and finally having a great weekend run."

Sorry to disappoint if that is what you were thinking.  Instead, this is going to be one of my non-running related posts.  It does, however, continue my string of posts, albeit spotty, on random thoughts and facts about my personal life.

You should consider yourselves lucky (said with tongue in cheek).  I usually have to know someone for quite a while before I share anything personal and that is usually reserved for my family and my closest of friends.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I don't really have "closest of friends" as that would require more energy than this introvert has.  So, thank the fact that posting online allows for folks like me to more easily share from behind the safety of a computer screen.

Back to the title. As you may be aware (see past posts), I am on a long term assignment in Colorado Springs.  Given this, I do not get to see my family much.  I take the occasional work trips back to AL and E- plans visits out here in between my work trips.  With two doggos at home though, we do not like for her to come out very often.  This weekend, E- found a deal that was too good to pass up.  With Frontier flying direct from HSV to Denver now, she finds occasional deals that are too good to pass up. This weekend was one of those deals.

I had been telling her that the Festival of Lights parade was this weekend.  I have never been to one here in downtown CoS, but from looking into it, it looked like a pretty big parade that a lot of people come to watch.  My apartment complex was also going to have a cocktail party before the parade.  The Frontier deal was the perfect storm with this weekend's events and we couldn't pass it up.  Of course, even if there was nothing going on here this weekend, I still would have wanted her to come visit because she is my life and my light.

My Light

Thursday night she arrived and she left this morning.  As I type this, her plane is getting ready to take off.  That is where the long weekend comes in.  I had from Thursday night until this morning to spend the long weekend with her.  As usual, I had an awesome weekend with her.  With Christmas approaching faster than ever, the weekend was full of activities centered around the run-up to Christmas.  We went to a craft fair at Colorado College.  We walked around looking at the Christmas lights and decorations that have appeared throughout downtown CoS.  We, of course, enjoyed some cocktails and then stood out in the cold (and some snow) to watch the Festival of Lights parade, enjoying every minute of it.  And, yes, I probably do not have to state this, but we enjoyed some Christmas shopping while frequenting several of our most favorite CoS coffee shops.

Festival Of Lights Parade

The most fun to me was walking around with her, holding her hand, having her next to me.  There will never be anything that is more fun to me than that.  I repeat, nothing will ever be more fun to me than this when I am with her.  That one simple thing makes me feel whole.  That one simple thing makes everything right.

And this brings me to the rest of the title.  While this was a long weekend, it went way, way too fast.  Weekends usually go fast, as you all know, but weekends like this, when you are with a person that makes you feel happy just being near them, go by in a flash.  As I stood in the cold this morning watching E- drive off, it already felt like this weekend had been imagined; it was a dream in a blink of an eye.  And it was over.

I will see her soon, in less than two weeks, but compared to this weekend, that will feel like an eternity.  As I watched her car disappear around the corner, it suddenly felt very cold outside.  My light was gone and my wholeness was suddenly less than whole once again.

If there is one thing I wish I could give to everyone, it would be the ability to have that person that is your life and your light and the ability to make those long weekends slow down to where they feel like an eternity, with the time in between moving at the speed of light.  I have that person.  Now, I just need to work on the time.

May your weekends be long and slow.

My Fav Float

It's Santa!!!

Observing and the Benefit of the Doubt

As most of you know that know much about me, I love God, I love my family, I love running, I love listening to all kinds of music, and I love coffee and coffee shops.  Mostly in that order, maybe coffee before music.

One of my other favorite pastimes though is using my powers of observation and sitting in places and just people watching.  I think that's one reason I love coming to coffee shops in the mornings on weekends or sitting in breweries sipping a good stout in the evening.  They are great places to sit and think about my plans and my life in general, but they are also great places to watch the bustle of humanity come through or walk by.

I like pondering what the people passing through have planned for their day.  I like seeing what books are being read and whether the person reading them is enjoying them.  I like wondering if I would like the music they are listening to.  I liked wondering if the employees working are enjoying their work or if they are just putting on a smile for the customers.

I enjoy watching the first dates, the blind dates, the business meetings, the new employees learning their job and their roles, the runners and cyclists getting some coffee after their training, the young puppies being socialized, and the older couples just sitting and enjoying each others company and life in general.

One of the reasons I believe I have been successful in what I do in my job is because I am observant. I pick up on very minor things that just don't look right or on things that just don't feel right.  Once you are able to notice these little hints and clues, then you can focus on them and ignore the rest of the chaff that is just covering and you can start to figure out what really is going on.  I not only put this to use at work, but it is what makes people watching so fun to me.

There are a lot of people I see that are downright rude, or obviously having a really bad day, and lately I have been trying to view these people with the lens that there has to be good in all people and that everyone has that something that they are dealing with or struggling with in their life.  I watch the employee that is obviously off their game and wonder what they are thinking about even as they are trying to do their job.  I watch the person on their phone who is obviously having a conversation they would rather not be having.  I watch the young couple on a date and wonder if they feel like this is another dead end.  When you try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are trying and you look at them with the lens that something else in their life is causing them to act like they are, then I believe you are being a better fellow human.  It is a struggle sometimes to think this when someone is behaving in a manner that leads to them not treating you or someone else very well, but I think it is a worthy attitude to try to have.

If you enjoy observing others or even if you don't normally do it, I encourage you to give it a try and to give folks the benefit of the doubt.  Assume there is some reason they are in a bad mood or that they appear to be angry.  If you assume this, then you can start to see them as good people.  Look them in the eyes and give them a smile.  Heck, just look them in the eye and give them the recognition that says someone cares they are here.  Say a kind word to them even if you do not think they deserve one.

Oh, and have fun just people watching.

Lifeline

Been a little while since I last posted.  I have busy going back and forth between AL and CO and trying to settle into a new routine in a new city and state.  Getting new hangouts (which is pretty easy since there is a coffee shop as well as a brewery within 50 yds of my apartment building), finding new places to run, and exploring a new location have taken up most of my time besides work.

As I expected, the hardest part is being away from E- for long stretches of time.  I knew this part was going to be hard and it still continues to be.  This process is solidifying one thing though.  How much I love her and how much I enjoy being with her.  I have known for a very, very long time now, since our graduate school days in Clemson, that she is my best friend.  However, I now have cemented it in my brain that she is much more than that.  I cannot put into words how nice it is for me when I know that she is in the same house as I am.  I don't have to be in the same room and don't have to be in visible contact with her.  I just have to know that she is there and I am happy and content.  I just have to know that I can find her and give her a hug and a kiss if I want to.  I just have to know that I can hear her voice if I want to.  It sounds cliché, but she is my soul mate in every sense of the word.

When I wake up in the morning here in CoS or when I walk in the door when getting home from work, I have that momentary thought of looking for her.  It is quickly replaced by being somewhat disheartened when I remember where I am and where she is.  She is in my thoughts a lot.  I definitely miss her big time.  Even though we are miles apart, I still feel that lifeline that connects me to her.  It is my fuel line and it is what sustains me.  It has for over 25 years now and I am more dependent on it now than I have ever been.  Without it, I truly believe I would waste away to nothingness.

So, while I sit here enjoying one of my new hangouts, I have many wishes.

I wish she was across the table from me reading a book and enjoying a coffee with me.

I wish she was here so I could show her that I am capable of cooking a decent dinner even though I still have my doubts.

I wish she was here to enjoy exploring this city with me.

I wish she was here so I could see and hear her when I wake up in the morning, when I get home from work, and that she is the last thing I see before going to sleep at night.

I wish she was here so that my lifeline was not stretched quite so far.

I wish she was here because she is my best friend and she is my soul mate.

I wish she was here.

Change and Future is Here and This is Good.

So, with my drive to Colorado Springs the past couple days, my long term assignment is beginning in earnest. While I have been out here quite a bit over the past several months, I am now here for good and any business trips will be back to Huntsville. On a previous trip, M- and I had found an apartment, mainly so that M had a place to stay for his internship. Now is my turn to settle into the apartment instead of just feeling like I am visiting him. This is good.

I have unpacked and put away all of the items that E-, Rebbie, and I packed into my little car. It is nice that I am already familiar with the apartment and the surrounding blocks around the building and I am not feeling like I am starting completely from scratch, although I still feel very close to that point. This is good.

I am ready to truly live here, take in the new location and all of the sites and sounds that it has to offer, and immerse myself in new things. It is going to be scary, no doubt, but I do not feel scared and I have not had one ounce of questioning this decision. This is good.

To me, the fact that I am not doubting is miraculous. I doubt my own decisions on a daily basis. I question myself and what I choose to do all the time. I am my own devil's advocate whether I want to be or not. I hate failing at anything and so usually end up making choices that make the probability of failure essentially non-existent. This is not good.

But not with this. Right now, there is no doubt. There is no questioning my own choice. There is just the feeling that this is what I needed at this point in my career and the feeling of expectation of what might come. Bring it on. If I fail this time, I don't care. I really don't. If it doesn't work out, at least I will be able to say that I didn't take the safe path and I will be satisfied. This is good.

The only other decision I have made in my life that I had no doubts about at all was the decision that E- was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That one decision alone has set the tone for my life and is the cornerstone that everything else has become dependent on. This is great.

While I am positive that this choice was the right choice at this point in my life, there is one bad part of how it is starting out. The bad part of right now has to do with running. I have been looking forward to being here long term and training in the altitude. My training was going great and my workouts were truly being a blessing to me, until 2 weeks ago, when a pesky calf decided that I was having too much fun. Since then I haven't been able to run. I tried this morning and it was a quick no-go. This is killing me, finally being here in the scenery, the altitude, and the cool morning temps, and not being able to step outside and run. If I were more of a cussing man, I would have a full blown rant at my calf. This is not good.

But, while I cannot have as much fun as I want to be having right now, that still isn't diminishing how much I am looking forward to the coming months and more. This is good.

I am finally here and it is finally starting for good. I have already found several local places that are becoming my haunts. Loyal Coffee (essentially connected to my apartment building - not good for the wallet), Switchback Roasters, and Wild Goose Meeting House are becoming my coffee places. Iron Bird Brewing Company (again, connected to my apartment building) and many other local places (probably going to be too many) are becoming my places to go grab a drink when I feel like it. Lots of new and great places to eat when I don't feel like cooking. Lots of new events and evening concerts to start visiting. This is good.

I hope that all of you out there that are considering making decisions, in the middle of making a decision, or starting out after a decision have as much peace and confidence in your thought process and your decisions as I have right now in mine. May it be good.