Change IS, in fact, good

It has been a while since I have been here writing down my thoughts, not really so that others can read them, but to express them into something tangible.  There is something cathartic about seeing your thoughts somewhere other than just in your mind.

What I have been thinking about lately are the changes that have been a part of my life since I have last posted (back in Jan!).  Since then, E- and I have sold our house in AL, moved to Colorado Springs, built a house and moved into that house, and have been unpacking boxes.

As those of you that have been around me for a long enough time know, I avoid change if possible.  I have posted in the past when this whole Colorado Springs assignment was in its infancy that my insides were in knots trying to figure out what to do, mainly because of wanting to stay on the safe path of non-change.

However, what I have recently realized is that this change was one of the better decisions I have made.  What I have realized, against my normal judgment, is that a life change can be good.

On the job front, I had grown stagnant, going to and from work just to go to and from work.  By stagnant, I am not talking about being promoted or not, my position, or the type of work I was doing.  I am talking about truly looking forward to my work.  Looking forward to the unknowns that might come up during the work day and looking forward to working through whatever problems might come my way.  I used to have that a while ago, but it had quietly and subtly moved to the back.  It has taken the move to a new location to awaken this feeling again.

On the running front, as I wrote back in Dec:
 It suddenly dawned on me that in these runs, it was not that my body was full of running.  It was that my body was full of joy.  The smile on my face while I was running was the excess joy that my body could not contain.

This was something that I had not felt for some time.  It took some running next to the Rockies, soaking in the view, along with some cold, non-humid weather, to stoke the fire within me and bring the joy back to the surface.  But it is back and I am hoping it stays for a long, long time.

Yes, the "joy of running" is still here and on the surface approaching a year later.  I am back to handling a serious training schedule.  I am back to running in races and having goal races that I am shooting for.  And, most importantly, I am still smiling like a fool sometimes on my runs.

And last but not least, on the personal front my life seems more than right.  My marriage feels stronger.  My love for Elizabeth has grown through this change on an exponential rise.  I am getting to experience new places and new things alongside her.  I am loving getting to take the dogs for their walk and watching them experience their new sights and sounds. I am enjoying actually having different seasons and getting to once again do things like standing and staring straight up as snow is falling.  Yes, I am even enjoying getting to shovel the drive again.

In all facets of my life, I am growing.  My brain feels more active, my body feels younger even though it is most definitely not headed that way, and my attitude has had an adjustment in the positive direction.

While it has taken me a little while to realize it and to get over the fears in my head that push me toward decisions of staying on the safe path, picking up and moving across the country has been invigorating to me.

Change IS, in fact, good and I am finding that out.

Quick Random Thoughts

Been sitting here by myself in CoS, having random thoughts in my somewhat self-imposed, isolated living, and thought I would jot some down.  In no particular order or subject:

• I understand the sadness associated with texting someone you love because you are missing them and not getting a reply quickly (because they aren't like you and are actually busy doing something) and I understand the joy associated with texting someone you love and getting a reply back almost immediately.
• Corollary I: Receiving a text back makes one feel closer in space to someone that you are missing.
• Corollary II: If there is someone in your life that you are missing terribly, find something, anything to text them about or call them about.  Even if you don't get a reply, keep doing it.  You'll feel closer.
• Corollary III: If there is someone in your life that has stopped communicating with you for whatever reason, find something, anything to text them about.  And keep texting even if they still don't respond or even if they never respond.  You have no idea what your texts may be doing.
• I have zero excuses for not focusing on my training and making sure I am doing everything to make myself better, like strength training, core training, yoga, and getting plenty of good sleep.
• I have zero excuses for not reading in the evenings, except, of course, if a hockey game is on.
• A hot tea in the evening is a perfect way to prepare for a great night's sleep.  You should try it.
• I find that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the next time E- is coming here or I am going to get to see her on a work trip back to AL.  Counting weeks, days, hours, whatever it takes...
• I have time to clean out those that I follow on social media.  If all someone has time to do is complain, they are gone.
• Popcorn will always be the perfect evening snack.  Don't @ me.
• I miss my puppers.
• Some nights it is a struggle to stay up past 7:00.

That's enough random thoughts for now.  It's 7:04, so time to get ready to go to bed and get some reading done after I finish my tea.

Running Full of Joy

Since moving to Colorado earlier this year on my long term assignment, my running has taken an unexpected turn.  I knew at first the altitude and the dryness were going to make running difficult and that it was going to take some adjustment time.  The traveling back to Alabama on work trips every couple of months threw wrenches into training as well.  Those items were expected though.

What was unexpected was the joy that would reenter my training.

To be clear, I have always loved running and to be clear, I have always enjoyed the training more than racing.  However, even though I love running, sometimes it feels like I am going through the motions in my training.  For a little while, I have been focused solely on keeping my hamstrings, my calf muscles, and everything else as healthy as I can.  Following my training schedule that my coach and I laid out was my focus.  In the process, I lost sight of why I run in the first place.  Because I love it.

A change in location, scenery and weather, is what it has taken to remind me of my love of running.  This re-insertion of joy into my morning training runs has slowly, yet persistently, occured.  It was so subtle at the beginning that I did not even notice it that it was there.  Looking back, there were signs, but I didn't fully notice them at the time.

The going to bed looking forward to the early morning alarm.  The slight excitement of listening to the weather forecast for the next morning and picking out my running clothes for the morning.  The waking up slightly before my alarm and wanting to get out of bed to get running.

This subtle joy was infecting more than just what I thought about getting out the door for training.   It was also entering my runs themselves, with or without me consciously noticing it.  The joy of seeing my breath on cold morning runs.  The joy of hearing my breathing while out running in the early morning before the quietness of the city was shattered by everyone getting out and about.  The joy of the sun coming up over the horizon.

While I have started to realize that I was enjoying my training runs more lately, it had not hit me with the full force that it did this weekend.

On my long run on Saturday morning, I got out early, although not quite as early as I do during the work week.  It was still dark and it was cold.  About 3 miles into my run, even though it was still less than 20º, I realized that I had a smile on my face.  While my face was still adjusting to the cold breeze, the rest of me was filled with warmth.  I took stock of my body, starting from my feet and working up to my head.  Everything seemed to be full of running.

The sun was just starting to inch up as I headed on a new path that I had not run on before.  About half way along this greenway, I looked up.  I hadn't noticed until right then that I had a perfect view of the whole breadth of the front range of the Rockies with the rising sun turning them that reddish-pinkish hue.  Given where I was, there was nothing blocking my view and I was able to take in the Rockies as they were meant to be seen.  Even though I was miles away from them, they appeared massive.  Overwhelming.  Before I knew it and without my mind taking part in the decision, I had stopped and was standing there with a goofy grin on my face looking left and right at this beautiful, impressive scene.  While I felt like staying there longer, soaking it in, I knew the rest of my run awaited.  So I took off again, the smile coming with me.

Next came my recovery run this morning.  I allowed myself the opportunity to sleep in a little this morning before going out for my run.  The sun was already starting to come up when I got out and let me tell you, my normal running routes looked different in the sunlight than in the dark.  I didn't have to worry about looking down to make sure I saw cracks and potholes waiting to twist my ankles which allowed me to look around more.  I enjoyed looking at the houses along my downtown route this morning.  I enjoyed looking at the Christmas decorations that many of them sported.  I enjoyed seeing more people out on their morning walks with their dogs, especially the seeing the dogs part.  Once again, I found myself smiling and once again, my body was full of running.

When I was finished with my run, I was thinking about how my runs had gone this weekend.  It suddenly dawned on me that in these runs, it was not that my body was full of running.  It was that my body was full of joy.  The smile on my face while I was running was the excess joy that my body could not contain.

This was something that I had not felt for some time.  It took some running next to the Rockies, soaking in the view, along with some cold, non-humid weather, to stoke the fire within me and bring the joy back to the surface.  But it is back and I am hoping it stays for a long, long time.

Long and Fast Weekends

By the title, you are probably saying to yourself, "Oh, great.  Another post of Jim's talking about how great of a long run he had this weekend."  Or maybe you are saying to yourself, "Oh, great. Another post about being tired of being injured and finally having a great weekend run."

Sorry to disappoint if that is what you were thinking.  Instead, this is going to be one of my non-running related posts.  It does, however, continue my string of posts, albeit spotty, on random thoughts and facts about my personal life.

You should consider yourselves lucky (said with tongue in cheek).  I usually have to know someone for quite a while before I share anything personal and that is usually reserved for my family and my closest of friends.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I don't really have "closest of friends" as that would require more energy than this introvert has.  So, thank the fact that posting online allows for folks like me to more easily share from behind the safety of a computer screen.

Back to the title. As you may be aware (see past posts), I am on a long term assignment in Colorado Springs.  Given this, I do not get to see my family much.  I take the occasional work trips back to AL and E- plans visits out here in between my work trips.  With two doggos at home though, we do not like for her to come out very often.  This weekend, E- found a deal that was too good to pass up.  With Frontier flying direct from HSV to Denver now, she finds occasional deals that are too good to pass up. This weekend was one of those deals.

I had been telling her that the Festival of Lights parade was this weekend.  I have never been to one here in downtown CoS, but from looking into it, it looked like a pretty big parade that a lot of people come to watch.  My apartment complex was also going to have a cocktail party before the parade.  The Frontier deal was the perfect storm with this weekend's events and we couldn't pass it up.  Of course, even if there was nothing going on here this weekend, I still would have wanted her to come visit because she is my life and my light.

My Light

Thursday night she arrived and she left this morning.  As I type this, her plane is getting ready to take off.  That is where the long weekend comes in.  I had from Thursday night until this morning to spend the long weekend with her.  As usual, I had an awesome weekend with her.  With Christmas approaching faster than ever, the weekend was full of activities centered around the run-up to Christmas.  We went to a craft fair at Colorado College.  We walked around looking at the Christmas lights and decorations that have appeared throughout downtown CoS.  We, of course, enjoyed some cocktails and then stood out in the cold (and some snow) to watch the Festival of Lights parade, enjoying every minute of it.  And, yes, I probably do not have to state this, but we enjoyed some Christmas shopping while frequenting several of our most favorite CoS coffee shops.

Festival Of Lights Parade

The most fun to me was walking around with her, holding her hand, having her next to me.  There will never be anything that is more fun to me than that.  I repeat, nothing will ever be more fun to me than this when I am with her.  That one simple thing makes me feel whole.  That one simple thing makes everything right.

And this brings me to the rest of the title.  While this was a long weekend, it went way, way too fast.  Weekends usually go fast, as you all know, but weekends like this, when you are with a person that makes you feel happy just being near them, go by in a flash.  As I stood in the cold this morning watching E- drive off, it already felt like this weekend had been imagined; it was a dream in a blink of an eye.  And it was over.

I will see her soon, in less than two weeks, but compared to this weekend, that will feel like an eternity.  As I watched her car disappear around the corner, it suddenly felt very cold outside.  My light was gone and my wholeness was suddenly less than whole once again.

If there is one thing I wish I could give to everyone, it would be the ability to have that person that is your life and your light and the ability to make those long weekends slow down to where they feel like an eternity, with the time in between moving at the speed of light.  I have that person.  Now, I just need to work on the time.

May your weekends be long and slow.

My Fav Float

It's Santa!!!

Observing and the Benefit of the Doubt

As most of you know that know much about me, I love God, I love my family, I love running, I love listening to all kinds of music, and I love coffee and coffee shops.  Mostly in that order, maybe coffee before music.

One of my other favorite pastimes though is using my powers of observation and sitting in places and just people watching.  I think that's one reason I love coming to coffee shops in the mornings on weekends or sitting in breweries sipping a good stout in the evening.  They are great places to sit and think about my plans and my life in general, but they are also great places to watch the bustle of humanity come through or walk by.

I like pondering what the people passing through have planned for their day.  I like seeing what books are being read and whether the person reading them is enjoying them.  I like wondering if I would like the music they are listening to.  I liked wondering if the employees working are enjoying their work or if they are just putting on a smile for the customers.

I enjoy watching the first dates, the blind dates, the business meetings, the new employees learning their job and their roles, the runners and cyclists getting some coffee after their training, the young puppies being socialized, and the older couples just sitting and enjoying each others company and life in general.

One of the reasons I believe I have been successful in what I do in my job is because I am observant. I pick up on very minor things that just don't look right or on things that just don't feel right.  Once you are able to notice these little hints and clues, then you can focus on them and ignore the rest of the chaff that is just covering and you can start to figure out what really is going on.  I not only put this to use at work, but it is what makes people watching so fun to me.

There are a lot of people I see that are downright rude, or obviously having a really bad day, and lately I have been trying to view these people with the lens that there has to be good in all people and that everyone has that something that they are dealing with or struggling with in their life.  I watch the employee that is obviously off their game and wonder what they are thinking about even as they are trying to do their job.  I watch the person on their phone who is obviously having a conversation they would rather not be having.  I watch the young couple on a date and wonder if they feel like this is another dead end.  When you try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are trying and you look at them with the lens that something else in their life is causing them to act like they are, then I believe you are being a better fellow human.  It is a struggle sometimes to think this when someone is behaving in a manner that leads to them not treating you or someone else very well, but I think it is a worthy attitude to try to have.

If you enjoy observing others or even if you don't normally do it, I encourage you to give it a try and to give folks the benefit of the doubt.  Assume there is some reason they are in a bad mood or that they appear to be angry.  If you assume this, then you can start to see them as good people.  Look them in the eyes and give them a smile.  Heck, just look them in the eye and give them the recognition that says someone cares they are here.  Say a kind word to them even if you do not think they deserve one.

Oh, and have fun just people watching.

Lifeline

Been a little while since I last posted.  I have busy going back and forth between AL and CO and trying to settle into a new routine in a new city and state.  Getting new hangouts (which is pretty easy since there is a coffee shop as well as a brewery within 50 yds of my apartment building), finding new places to run, and exploring a new location have taken up most of my time besides work.

As I expected, the hardest part is being away from E- for long stretches of time.  I knew this part was going to be hard and it still continues to be.  This process is solidifying one thing though.  How much I love her and how much I enjoy being with her.  I have known for a very, very long time now, since our graduate school days in Clemson, that she is my best friend.  However, I now have cemented it in my brain that she is much more than that.  I cannot put into words how nice it is for me when I know that she is in the same house as I am.  I don't have to be in the same room and don't have to be in visible contact with her.  I just have to know that she is there and I am happy and content.  I just have to know that I can find her and give her a hug and a kiss if I want to.  I just have to know that I can hear her voice if I want to.  It sounds cliché, but she is my soul mate in every sense of the word.

When I wake up in the morning here in CoS or when I walk in the door when getting home from work, I have that momentary thought of looking for her.  It is quickly replaced by being somewhat disheartened when I remember where I am and where she is.  She is in my thoughts a lot.  I definitely miss her big time.  Even though we are miles apart, I still feel that lifeline that connects me to her.  It is my fuel line and it is what sustains me.  It has for over 25 years now and I am more dependent on it now than I have ever been.  Without it, I truly believe I would waste away to nothingness.

So, while I sit here enjoying one of my new hangouts, I have many wishes.

I wish she was across the table from me reading a book and enjoying a coffee with me.

I wish she was here so I could show her that I am capable of cooking a decent dinner even though I still have my doubts.

I wish she was here to enjoy exploring this city with me.

I wish she was here so I could see and hear her when I wake up in the morning, when I get home from work, and that she is the last thing I see before going to sleep at night.

I wish she was here so that my lifeline was not stretched quite so far.

I wish she was here because she is my best friend and she is my soul mate.

I wish she was here.

Change and Future is Here and This is Good.

So, with my drive to Colorado Springs the past couple days, my long term assignment is beginning in earnest. While I have been out here quite a bit over the past several months, I am now here for good and any business trips will be back to Huntsville. On a previous trip, M- and I had found an apartment, mainly so that M had a place to stay for his internship. Now is my turn to settle into the apartment instead of just feeling like I am visiting him. This is good.

I have unpacked and put away all of the items that E-, Rebbie, and I packed into my little car. It is nice that I am already familiar with the apartment and the surrounding blocks around the building and I am not feeling like I am starting completely from scratch, although I still feel very close to that point. This is good.

I am ready to truly live here, take in the new location and all of the sites and sounds that it has to offer, and immerse myself in new things. It is going to be scary, no doubt, but I do not feel scared and I have not had one ounce of questioning this decision. This is good.

To me, the fact that I am not doubting is miraculous. I doubt my own decisions on a daily basis. I question myself and what I choose to do all the time. I am my own devil's advocate whether I want to be or not. I hate failing at anything and so usually end up making choices that make the probability of failure essentially non-existent. This is not good.

But not with this. Right now, there is no doubt. There is no questioning my own choice. There is just the feeling that this is what I needed at this point in my career and the feeling of expectation of what might come. Bring it on. If I fail this time, I don't care. I really don't. If it doesn't work out, at least I will be able to say that I didn't take the safe path and I will be satisfied. This is good.

The only other decision I have made in my life that I had no doubts about at all was the decision that E- was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That one decision alone has set the tone for my life and is the cornerstone that everything else has become dependent on. This is great.

While I am positive that this choice was the right choice at this point in my life, there is one bad part of how it is starting out. The bad part of right now has to do with running. I have been looking forward to being here long term and training in the altitude. My training was going great and my workouts were truly being a blessing to me, until 2 weeks ago, when a pesky calf decided that I was having too much fun. Since then I haven't been able to run. I tried this morning and it was a quick no-go. This is killing me, finally being here in the scenery, the altitude, and the cool morning temps, and not being able to step outside and run. If I were more of a cussing man, I would have a full blown rant at my calf. This is not good.

But, while I cannot have as much fun as I want to be having right now, that still isn't diminishing how much I am looking forward to the coming months and more. This is good.

I am finally here and it is finally starting for good. I have already found several local places that are becoming my haunts. Loyal Coffee (essentially connected to my apartment building - not good for the wallet), Switchback Roasters, and Wild Goose Meeting House are becoming my coffee places. Iron Bird Brewing Company (again, connected to my apartment building) and many other local places (probably going to be too many) are becoming my places to go grab a drink when I feel like it. Lots of new and great places to eat when I don't feel like cooking. Lots of new events and evening concerts to start visiting. This is good.

I hope that all of you out there that are considering making decisions, in the middle of making a decision, or starting out after a decision have as much peace and confidence in your thought process and your decisions as I have right now in mine. May it be good.

Run to Race or Race to Run

I have been thinking the last couple of weeks about races.  Not about running one really, but just about those larger races that have taken place the last couple of months.  I see folks I know talking online about races they participated in or have coming up or speak to local runners about how their races went.  With Memorial Day just occurring, there was a lot of talk about Bolder Boulder and locally about the Cotton Row Run here in Huntsville.  When reading about folks races and talking to others, I am really not jealous that I didn't get to race with them.  I haven't really felt anything that would be classified as missing running in the races.  I have sort of been like this my whole life, but here in the past 3 years maybe, I have not had the urge to jump in weekend races or participate in many races during the year.

Now don't get me wrong, I still absolutely love running. You may think I am nuts, but I enjoy my alarm going off at 5 and finding the inner push to get out of bed and get out on the roads.  I enjoy the training.  I thrive on the self-motivation.  I enjoy having a plan from Coach Will and I love having the discipline to follow that plan.  I love the track workouts; I love the tempo runs; I love the long runs; I love the short, easy recovery runs. Ok - truth in advertising, I only like the tempo runs.  I love when they are over and I have accomplished them though.  There is something satisfying about having a plan and accomplishing that plan week after week.

I just do not love the races though.  I am not talking about not loving the effort required to run a race.  I am talking about just not feeling it when it comes to stepping up to the starting line.  I am likely in the minority among runners, here.  I feel like most runners enjoy racing and tolerate training so that they can race harder and faster.  I, on the other hand, only really use a race as a focal point to base my training around.  It gives a little upper to just going out every day and doing whatever sort of training run I feel like doing.  It adds a plan to the training.  I like the idea of a race being somewhere out there in the future that my training is based around.  I just don't like when it comes time for that race.

To be honest again, most times waking up on the morning of a race, driving to the race, and toeing the starting line actually mildly terrifies me.  Yes, you read that correctly.  It scares me.  Now I have always had nerves when it comes to racing, but the past couple of years those nerves have morphed into being downright scared.  I do not know what is scary to me.  I don't think it is some innate fear of failure or fear of not placing somewhere high, but I cannot rule that out I guess.  Maybe with the injuries that have plagued me over the past couple of years, I now have instilled a correlation in my head to racing and having a sidelining injury and my body and mind would rather not race than have to take a long time off from training.  I have joked with myself many times that a sports psychologist is what I really need.

My running self has evolved into someone that races to run.  What I mean by that is I would rather just be training for a race than actually racing.  I no longer run to race.  I no longer put up with training so that it makes me a better racer.  In thinking about this over the past several weeks, I don't know if this is normal for folks my age that are well on the downward slope of the ability graph.  Is this something that comes about when you are somewhere around the half century mark?  Or is it just how my body and mind have decided to live out this portion of my life.

I would like to know, if for no other reason than my own sanity, what others think.  For those that are around my age or older, do you still enjoy racing?  Did there come a time in your life where you changed from running to race to racing to run like I have?  For those not around my age, what are your thoughts? Am I in the minority when it comes to this?

Let me know.

While I wait to see what everyone else thinks, I will continue to revel in my alarm going off and in hitting the roads to follow the plan that Coach has set for me.  I will continue to bask in the glow of my training runs and accomplishing them, knocking them off day by day.  And, since it is hard for me to let go of things, I will continue to stress about and fear race days.

Setting Up Shop in Colorado Springs

So, the last week has been a whirlwind of trying to find a place to live in Colorado Springs, getting work done, signing papers for that place to live, shopping for some furniture and household items to make the place somewhat livable, setting up utilities, getting Matthew set up in his new internship, and still getting my running in at altitude.

View of Pikes Peak

I am exhausted.  But it is getting done.  I miss having E- with me to help as she is the one that has the head for this.  She is a lot smarter about these types of things than I am.  I have been relying on texts and phone calls with her a lot this past week.  I miss having her here to help with decisions; however, I miss her so much more because she is my sweetheart.  I miss seeing her before I fall asleep.   I miss seeing her when I get up in the morning to go run.  I miss seeing her when I get back from work.  I am definitely being selfish because I want her to move here with me.  This long term assignment is going to be hard being away from her.  I knew that was going to be the case before I started working this with my company, but now it is hitting me as to the depth of this longing.  I am sure I will get through it, but this aspect is going to be the worst part of the coming year.

View from Garden of the Gods

On a brighter note, I have immensely enjoyed this past week with M-.  He is getting his feet wet in his new internship position and I think he is having a ball so far being in Colorado Springs.  I am so excited for him to get to spend the summer here and I hope that he gets out and about to do as many things away from work as he can.  Due to him not having all of his badges yet, he has been having to ride to and from work with me, a 25 minute trip each way, and he has been staying with me until we get the apartment set up.  This is the most time I have spent with him for years and years, and I don't know about him, but I know that he hasn't gotten on my nerves at all!  I am sure I have gotten on his, but that's what Dads do.  It has been fun shopping for the apartment and furniture with him.  I am sure our testosterone dominated minds haven't picked out the best furniture in the world, but it is ours.  Our bachelor pad is coming together (somewhat :-) ).

M- outside of Garden of the Gods

M- in Garden of the Gods

The coming months are going to continue to be a whirlwind, I am sure.  I can already tell that when M- is done with his internship and has to go back to school in August, my life is going to become lonely.  I will miss E-; I will miss Rebbie; I will miss M-; I will miss my pups.  This is what I feel that I am being called to do for work though, so that will sustain me when I am missing them the most.

So this chapter of my life is taking shape.  The intro is being written and we will see how it takes shape.  Right now the conclusion is unknown and this chapter could definitely go a multitude of directions.  Hopefully it will end up being a fun ride!

Progression (And That Someone)

Having recently talked about my work location changes, it got me thinking about progression in facets of my life.  Progression of getting things at work set up and approved for the assignment in Colorado Springs is just one of the items that I have been tracking and thinking about lately.

Another that has been on my mind for a long time is my running progression and getting back to a semblance of shape that I used to be in prior to my hamstring injuries.  While I know that I likely will never be able to spin my wheels on the streets as fast as I used to, I do know that I have some racing left in me and am training to get to the point where I can do that.  My training has been going quite well.  I am pleased to say the least.  My coach has me up to around 50 miles a week and we just bumped up the number of days per week I am training from 5 to 6.  This progression has been metered out slowly over the past 4-5 months so that I do not have a reoccurrence of my hamstring issues and to force me to make sure I am working not only on my running, but also on keeping my muscles and core strengthened.  While we are slowly bumping up the mileage, we are also bumping up the types of workouts I am completing, track intervals, progression runs, tempos, fartlek runs, wave tempos.  Getting back into these types of runs is infusing my spirit.  I didn't realize how much I had been missing getting some laps in on the track.  The big thing I figured out I was missing was the feeling you get after completing one of those hard workouts that at first seems daunting when read.  Success breeds success when it comes to running and training.

If I take a look at my life from a somewhat wider focus, there is something that I see that has been present in my work progression as well as running progression, supporting me in these focused areas and contributing to these areas, but also has been present in everything else in my life and I dare say defines my life.  That something is my wife.  Elizabeth truly is my life.  She is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning.  She is the last thing I think of when I go to sleep.  I do not know that I could keep track of the number of times I think about her during the day when I am at work.

But, you say, how does this fit into the theme of progression?  Getting to the point where I have this immense love for E- has been a steady progression from when I first met her years ago at Clemson.  Have I loved her all of this time?  Of course I have.  But this love is multi-faceted and builds upon itself.  Just as success breeds success in running, love breeds love in life.  We have been married for over 25 years now and I am still finding things about E- that make me grin like a kid and build my love for her.  If someone is your life, you can't help but build your love for them and you can't help but get excited about how your life with them will progress, no matter how long you have had them in your life.  I have been thinking about this a lot lately because as I potentially transition in the work place, I will be away from her for long periods of time and I am not going to like that.  I always want to be around her, mainly just to be around her.  She calms me.  She is my focal point when I need to orient myself.  I am hoping that I will be able to find that focal point over the phone when I need it while in Colorado without her.

Progression. Everything we successfully do in life has a progression.  Everything we unsuccessfully do in life has a progression.  Everything we attempt has a progression.  You get my point.  How you live your life depends on how you meter out that progression.  Be wise in how you progress and items in your life will work themselves out.

What items are you working on right now in your lives?  Do you have a progression plan for them or are you sitting back and just observing how they progress?  No matter which, I hope you have someone in your life that is there with you as you go.  I definitely know I have such a someone and I love her to death.

Decision!

  So in my last post, which by the way has been too long ago, I wrote of how I tend to handle making larger decisions, and how I tend to obsess over them (see: Decisions, Decisions).  I have not followed up since then on if I had made a decision yet.

  Well, I have.  More accurately, we have, as this decision involved my whole family, not just me.  At work, I have been pursuing an innovation which involves a new type of position.  This position involves embedding a development/integration position at a location that is not Huntsville.  As part of  bringing this to my program for consideration, I have volunteered to be the person to assume these new roles and responsibilities.  What this means is that I will be splitting time between here in Alabama and in:

(imaginary drum roll)

Colorado Springs, CO

  As I move into this role, the bulk of my time will gravitate towards CO.  What about my family, you ask?  For the next several years, E- and I did not feel comfortable doing a full-blown move to CO while the kids adult children are in college.  We wanted to have someone close enough to drive to Auburn or Starkville in case something came up.  Even with a larger part of my time being in CO, I will be in Huntsville periodically and E- will come out to CO to spend time there too.   Part of this will be E- and I feeling out how this works, how we feel about it and things like that.  Same goes for figuring out the work/position part.

 When I first mentioned this to E-, I expected a flat-out NO!  However, her response was "Heck yeah!" followed by "I would move there if we didn't have M and R in college close to here." It seems she is as ready for some life changes as I am.

 Will I be slightly nervous doing this?  Of course I will.  That is who I am; I cannot change that.  However, as I have told E-, one reason I feel like this is the path I am supposed to take is that I have not been stressed about it.  I have not even been nervous about it yet, other than just momentary "what about this" and "what about that" questions that pop into my head at random times.  This lack of stress and nervousness is not the norm for me, so I am taking this as my sign.

 We are ready for a new adventure and if this works out in the long run, it will be just that.  I see others that I know that move to various places and do not seem to be too phased by it.  E- and I have not done that since moving here from graduate school back in 1991, mainly because we loved the Huntsville/Madison area and the excellent schools located here for our children took precedence over anything else.

  I am excited.  E- is excited (or at least I believe she is!).  And, another shocker to me, M and R are excited about it as well.

  Will we end up in Colorado Springs permanently in the future?  I don't know.  But it is fun and exciting to know that over the next several years, that answer will take shape.

  I am sure future posts will bring new info on how this is all working, how my running is going now that I will definitely be getting plenty of training in altitude, and how E- and my adventures are taking shape.  For those of you in or close to Colorado Springs, give me a ping as I will be looking for establishing new connections while I am there.

 Here's to those of you that let me know how you handle making major decisions after I posed that question in my last post.  It was nice to see how everyone handles it slightly different, but kind of the same.  Big props to my father-in-law, Zeb, for sending me a nice email on past decisions he has had to make.  What all of you sent as comments, texts, or emails helped me organize my lists and gave me other things to think about at the same time.

 In my heart, at this point in time, I am confident that I have made the right decision.  That doesn't mean that I will not have to make another decision in the future related to this same item, but I will worry that in the future when/if it comes.

 I will ask another question in closing.  After making past major decisions, how did things turn out?  Do any of you regret the decisions you made or if things didn't turn out as expected, are you still glad you chose the path you did?

 Wish us luck on our new Clemens' adventure!

Decisions, Decisions

I have stated before, and I will state again, I do not do well with major decisions.  I take that back.  I do not do well with decisions, period.  They can be simple, they can be complex; making decisions causes me anxiety and stress.  So when the occasional life-changing decision comes along, you can imagine how much the stress and anxiety ratchets up.

I am on the cusp of one of these right now.  This decision will be one of the biggest decisions I have had to make in a long time.  While I do not look forward to that day when I actually have to decide, if and when it comes, this decision is self-imposed.  I have no one to blame for it but myself.

In thinking about this decision though, I also began thinking about how I handle items like this and what I might be able to do to help ease the stress and anxiety.  I see others making hard, life-changing decisions and I wonder how they do it without showing any stress.  How do they look so calm and happy when going through the decision making process?

For me and my obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I make lists.  Pros and Cons.  Random thoughts. Others' inputs and ideas on the topic.  I don't necessarily do this so that I can rank them and see if they offset each other.  I do it mainly just to do it.  I like the process.  I like seeing it "on paper".  I like being able to read through them over and over.  I like being able to think about things that I may have forgotten.

Lists calm me.

By the way, I don't do this just for decisions.  Any time I travel, I have a list for packing.  If I don't do that, inevitably I forget something.  For example, as I sit here and type this in Colorado Springs, I am sporting 3 days worth of beard growth.  Why, you ask?  It is not because I forgot my razor.  However, I did forget the charging cord for my razor.  And my razor had enough juice left for one shave.  Yes, my lists go to the detail of not only listing razor, but also listing the charging cord.  I didn't make a list and print it out and I failed.  My family makes fun of me for having packing lists, but they just do not understand the depths of my stress about forgetting something.

So, besides my calming lists, I am trying techniques to not induce excessive stress upon myself over this potential, impending decision I will have to make.  Yoga helps.  Reading helps.  Lying in my bed with my eyes closed and trying not to panic helps.

So I am soliciting input from you all.  What do you do that helps you stay calm over big decisions you have to make?  What techniques do you have that help you figure out the right decision for you?  How do you keep so calm and happy looking when your mind is racing over pros and cons?  Send them to me.

I am making a list.

True Definition of Teammate

Something happened on my run this morning and I felt it deserved a little mention. It is not necessarily what happened that is the part that I wanted to publicize, but the person that initiated it. It was just another example of how a little, tiny thing can make someone's day and it was a great example of what being a teammate means.

I was in the 2nd mile of 7. This 7 was going to be my second longest run since October 1 due to my nagging injury. I don't know that I have mentioned that injury in past posts, have I? I will make sure I dedicate more posts later to my hamstring. :-)

Anyway, back to my run. As I came around a bend, a familiar face was running towards me. Now, if you know this person, you know the exact face I am talking about. Because no matter how long she has been running or how hard she has been running (it can be in the middle of a race), she always has the biggest, shining smile when she sees you. It has the power to instantly dissipate any and all anxiety, stress, and bad moods. It did its work again this morning.

But it is not her smile that prompted me to write this post. It was her actions as she passed by. How great it was for my soul to get a big "YEAH!" when she passed. It was that kind of "YEAH!" that I could feel came from her knowing how much I have been struggling with my injury and from her knowing how much it lifts my spirit to be out running, no matter the pace or the miles. It was that kind of yell that was genuine; she was truly happy for me.

That, my friends, is the definition of a teammate. It is not worrying how many races someone is running, their race times, how many miles someone is getting in. It is knowing their struggles, knowing how much it means to them to be back out there, and genuinely celebrating for them and with them.

It does not take much to be someone's teammate. While this person is my teammate both on the Huntsville Fleet Feet Racing Team and with RunningLane, she is more than that. She is a teammate in life, in getting through life's struggles and celebrating whatever victories can be found in this messed up world. And she is a teammate not by any grand actions or big shows. She is a teammate by her smile, by her wave, by her heartfelt "YEAH!" because she knows and understands. That's all it takes, folks. Trust me, that's all it takes.

So no matter what you are doing or where you are, be the best teammate possible. Be the best co-worker, the best athletic teammate, the best spouse, the best parent, the best child, the best boy/girlfriend, the best family member, the best fellow human you can be. Smile, wave, hug, but better yet, give that word of true celebration and encouragement that lets your teammates know that you listen, that you understand, and that you are truly happy for the little achievements over whatever struggles they are trying to put in their past.

So, thank you for being my teammate, Lauren Mitchell. And thanks, once again, for your beautiful smile and your "YEAH!" this morning. But more importantly, thank you for reminding me what it means to be a teammate.

Blessings From Being Injured. Wait... What?!?!

 Many of my posts over the last year or two have either been focused on or have mentioned my struggle with my injured hamstring.  It has kept me out of serious training for a while now and having a long term injury like this can be more mentally draining than anything it does to you physically.  I have found it very easy to become borderline depressed.  Not only am I somewhat mentally depressed because I cannot seem to get back to some level of regular training, but running is my stress release and is what I turn to when I need a break or when I need to sort out life in general.

 Sitting here this morning sipping my second cappuccino, I decided to focus not on the lowlights of being injured and those effects that struggling through an injury brings into one's head, but on blessings that have appeared in my life during the time I have been injured.  So here goes.  Some of these blessings I can put into words right now, some I cannot.

• The biggest blessing that has been reinforced during this time has been my wife.  Time and time again, I realize and am shown that Elizabeth is probably the biggest blessing that God has given me in my life.  When I cannot run and spend the amount of time training I would like, I get to spend more time with her because I am not going to bed as early. I get to just hang with her more in the evenings and just be.  I offer up and go on more dates with her, even if it is just a date going to the grocery store to shop together.  When I do get a run in, they are shorter and slower, so she is more willing to ride her bike with me when I run.  Just more time I get to spend with her!
• A blessing related to the going on more dates with Elizabeth is that I am more prone to hanging out with friends more often since I am not staying home to get to bed early.  Without that early morning training run calling, I can relax when we are out visiting with friends.
• One thing that I have done over the many years I have been running is efficiently train my body and mind to be an early riser.  So, even when I am not training, my mind still is expecting to get things going early in the morning.  During an injury, I use this fact to get in to work early before most of my fellow workers get in.  I get so much done during this time that I feel less stressed during the rest of the work day.
• Not being able to run has opened up my mind to engaging my body in new and alternate ways of exercising.  Yoga, cycling, strenghtening, walking the dogs - I now look for ways to get some form of exercise in to keep myself sane.
• Meeting new people and establishing and reinforcing relationships with those professionals who are helping me recover from my injury and helping me in general.  While it is not good as to why I find myself in their office or talking to them, it is always good to establish these connections and develop new friendships and solidify those already established.  From all of the folks at Results Physiotherapy and SpineCare that I enjoy talking with and working with to looking into cultivating a coaching relationship with Will at Running Lane, I find that my sphere increases of those that I can turn to when I need help and hopefully, I lend some blessing into their lives as well since my main job here on Earth is to pass along blessings I receive to others.
• Another blessing I have realized/rediscovered is the quantity of folks out there supporting me both in person and online. Their support does mean something to me.  Just the simple mention that they empathize with me and are rooting for me lifts my spirit on those days when my mood takes a hit.
• In the view of my job being to pass along blessings, I have found more opportunities to connect and commiserate with others in their injuries and life struggles.  Just as others raise my spirit, I look for ways to lift theirs.  I look for ways in a simple text, a simple comment, a simple wave, a simple smile to pass along a blessing to someone else.  In some cases, it may be reflecting back a blessing that they gave to me in the past that they may not even realize they gave me. 

  I am sure that there are plenty of other blessings that I have been given during this time that I don't even realize I was given.  That's how life works; blessings wash over us and you would think we would recognize them and we don't.  Some are big, some are small, but they all weigh the same.  They all work to raise us up.  All of my blessings work to show me what I should truly focus on.  In this day and age of complaining about everything that happens in this world, or taking everything as a personal attack against one's self or one's beliefs, or attacking everyone that does not believe the same way or have the same values, I choose to focus on blessings, both received and given, and to focus on how I can take more of the blessings I have been given and reflect them back to others.  Just as my spirit is lifted by the hands of all of those that I personally know and by those that I don't, I want to be that extra set of hands that lift others up.  Being injured has shown me how I can be those hands.  I urge everyone else to think about life in the same way, be the light of support, not the darkness of complaint and affront.  Use your periods of injury or struggle to recognize blessings in your life.  When you start focusing on these blessings, your struggles have a harder time establishing a stronghold in your mind and you will have no choice but to pass along blessings to others.

Fall in Love with the Weather

I am recently injured, again.  As it seems to be in the past years, my injuries that sideline me always occur right in the transition to wonderful Fall weather.  It kills me when I walk outside in the morning to take the dogs out and I feel the cool, Fall temps and breezes, the low humidity, and the general wonderfulness that fall weather brings.  Fall weather, true Fall weather is my absolute favorite.

I was able to get some walk/run time in this morning with the temps in the 50's, a nice morning sun covering me with just enough warmth to keep the full-blown chills off, but not so much to make me sweat or overheat.  A slight breeze blew, rustling the turning leaves on the trees and blowing the few that had fallen already across the yards and down the street.  How could one not be out in this weather?  I caught myself grinning, no, full scale smiling, as I walked and jogged in my neighborhood.  Something just felt absolutely perfect about my time outside.

This kind of weather, true Fall weather, does not appear for very long here in Alabama.  Typically we are afforded a couple weeks, maybe three in some years.  It is way too short for this boy since it is my favorite season.  The transition from heat and high humidity to a time of low humidity, cool breezes, and mid-range temps gives this old man some extra pep in my step.  It will be all too soon before the weather moves into the lower temps where extra clothes, hats, gloves are required and the rainy season and dreary weather of Winter move in.

While Spring brings cool temps as well, it is the transition heading toward Summer, so the humidity in Spring is rising as opposed to Fall's lowering humidity.  Given this, while I enjoy Spring, I know the overwhelming oppressiveness of Summer is coming so I cannot enjoy it as much.  Also, don't get me started on the Spring pollen season here in Alabama either!

Random Fact: Cappuccinos taste better in the Fall so it has that going for it as well

So, you may understand a little more my frustration with being injured during this brief window of the year.  I only have a limited time to get my fix of Fall weather and I am being limited once again.  Given this, I will not get my fill this Fall and will have to suffer through the other three seasons until I once again feel the humidity dropping, feel the temps dropping, and see the leaves dropping in a cooling breeze.

What's your favorite season and why?  Do you enjoy the transition seasons of Spring and Fall better or the full-blown Summer or Winter weather?  Whichever you enjoy the most, make sure to soak it in when you get the chance.

This Road Looks Familiar. Too Familiar.

Three weeks ago it happened.  Again.  Hamstring cracked.  This time was pretty bad.  I was trying to just get back to the end of the run as slowly as I could without doing major damage.  About a quarter mile from the end and I felt it from the top of my hip down to below my knee; like a rubber band that suddenly stretched to its limit through the middle of my leg.  Knew then I was back to square 0 on my next road to recovery.

The problem was that this isn't a new road to recovery; it is one that I am quite familiar with, too much so,  and have grown bored with as far as scenery.  I don't want to travel this road again, but I must.

When I say I must, I am being literal here.  You see, I have no choice.  There are those out there, like some in my family, that always correct me when I say I have to go for a run.  They try to correct me by saying I don't *have* to go run, that I choose to go run.  That is just not the case.  I truly have to go run.  And to do that again, I must travel this same road, no matter how I hate it, how I hate the potholes in it, how I hate the overgrown grass on the side of the road.  My mind and my body do not allow anything else.  Running is part of me and dwells deep in my soul, attaching itself to every fiber of my life.  Others may think that after the past couple years of traveling and re-traveling this road that I could just give up running and take up other activities.  That is not possible.  I can't.

And so I find myself back at mile 1 of this road.  I am hitting it hard with PT and with their help, I will figure out the weaknesses in my body that contribute to stressing my hamstrings.  I am hitting it hard with  activities that I can do without causing undo stress on my hamstring while I strengthen it and the rest of my body.  I am looking into hiring a coach that can help guide my training once I get back to the point of a regular running routine again.

So after three weeks, I was given the go ahead by my therapist to try some walk/run this weekend.  Nothing too ambitious. Just jogging very slowly for 1 minute, separated by 5 minutes of walking.  This morning I hit the road to do this.  While I would like to say that everything was great, that isn't so.  I had some low grade pain from my hammie, but nothing sharp and nothing escalating.  We will see how it feels later today and into tomorrow.  While it was not perfect, it was another step down this road.

One day, I am planning on dragging out the "Road Closed" sign and placing it and some concrete barriers in front of this road so that I never have to travel this way again  Until that day, I will toil down this path making the best of it that I can.  I have some great people helping me along the way and I am finding additional great people that are helping smooth the road even more.

My prayer for all of you reading this is that you do not find yourself on this same road, or if you do, that you pass along it quickly, never to return.  Trust me, when this road becomes familiar, it is no fun.  I am not revisiting its path because I want to.  But given the hand I was dealt 3 weeks ago, I must.  There is no option for me.  And so I plod along, slow step by slow step, focusing not on the all-too familiar scenery this time, but on the small dot at the end of this road, my ultimate goal of strong and pain-free running.

I have no choice.

I Can't Believe She Let Me Make It To 25 Years

Been a little while since my last post.  At last report, E- and I had just become empty nesters as both M- and R- had gone to college.  The next big thing in our lives just happened less than a week ago.  E- and I hit the 25th wedding anniversary level of our own real-life video game.  In reaching 25 years, I figured I would impart my wisdom to all of you on what it takes to get to that milestone.

Before I get to that list, I just want it to sink in a little more, mainly to me as I am still not sure I fully comprehend, that starting now I have been married to E- longer than I have not been married to her.  More than half of my life has been blessed because she said yes.

Now back to my wisdom in the form of a list of what it takes to get to your 25th wedding anniversary:

Number 1: Find someone who puts up with you and your antics and lets you stick around for 25 years.

Number 2:  There is no number 2.  Number 1 is it.  My wisdom ends there as number 1 is the sole reason I can think of for why I am still married to E- after 25 years.  It is nothing I have done other than love her.  It is all related to her ignoring me when I am being stupid, or better yet telling me I am being stupid and that I should stop.   It is all related to her loving me no matter what happens or what I do.  At least, I think she still loves me.  Hopefully she still does.  Otherwise, I don't know why she still puts herself through it.

Don't get me wrong.  I am sure there are plenty of days when E- does not like me at all, but I think she still loves me even in those times.  It is the only explanation for 25 years.  I do know and can easily state that I love her.  She is my life.  She is my joy.  She makes each and every day better.

Aside:  It is no coincidence that as I was typing the last paragraph, blink-182's Home is Such a Lonely Place came on. The lyrics "Home is such a lonely place without you.  Home is such a lonely place." describe how I feel when E- is away and not at home.   There is no "home" without her.  It is a house.  Each spot there is just a room.  It is a place to sleep and exist.  With her there though, it becomes a home.  A place that is safe.  A place that surrounds you in warmth and love.  A place that I never care to leave.

Done with the aside (but not blink-182).  Back to my list of one.  My advice to my kids and to others out there is find that someone that you know will put up with you.  I am sure E- has her own list, but this list of one is all I could rationalize as being worthy, from my point of view, of passing along.

If E- is willing, maybe I will be able to post 5, 10, or even 25 years from now with some additional items for my list.  Even if I get to those milestones, I am thinking my list will still just be this one item though.

Here's to 25 more

I love you, E-.  More than I probably convey to you or that you know.

PS:  After some deep thought, I have a Number 2 for my list of infinite wisdom.  Number 2:  Make sure that person in Number 1 is E-.

Sorry guys, I am the only one that can achieve Number 2.

Next Steps In Life

I knew this day was coming for a while now, but somehow I was still slightly caught off guard.  Internally, I had prepared myself by going over what I believed to be all outcomes so that no matter which one came to reality I would be ready, but somehow I must have missed a subtle nuance.

As of last Tuesday, I am officially an empty nester.  Both of my children, now adults, are off to college.  So at least for 9 months, E- and I will be alone in our house with our two pups.

Both Rebbie and Matthew off to school

Given that Matthew is a junior this year, I have experienced a child leaving for school for several years now, but this year Rebekah is also in college.  It was both of them leaving that I had tried to prepare for.  While Matthew leaving during the school year was one thing, Rebekah leaving brought a whole new facet to it.  

You see, Rebekah is the spirit in our house.  Matthew, E-, and I all have brains that direct us toward the logical, mathematical side of the spectrum, like all the way to the end of that spectrum.  I truly believe that for us, we do not have a left and a right side to our brain, we are all left.

Rebekah on the other hand, while having all of the mathematical and logical talent that we have, has a right side that is very well developed.  She is our free thinker, our artist, our extrovert, our creative genius, our talker, our spirit.  When she is not in the house, it is eerily quiet.  As E- put it after Rebbie had moved to school, "The house feels strangely quiet tonight. Our passionate, creative, smart, talented, entertaining person left three engineers behind and we aren't that exciting without her."

Scientifically correct annotation of our brains

So with both of them off to college this year, I have not only lost a scientifically-directed person to sit and talk to, but I have lost that voice of creativity. 

I thought it would be easy.  Both E- and I are ready to be empty nesters, not because we want our kids to leave, but because we are excited for them.  We want to see where their plans and goals take them.  We are excited to see their successes and accomplishments as they continue their journeys.   Because we are so happy for them, I figured being at home without either of them would be pretty easy.  I was prepared.  I had this in the bag.

And I did.....  Until I went into their rooms to get the sheets off their bed to wash and to vacuum.  The quiet overwhelmed me even with the roar of the vacuum.  Let me tell you, there is a huge difference between your children not being at home overnight because they are staying at a friend's house and your children not being at home and knowing they will not be coming home in the morning.

My logical brain tried to figure this out.  What had I missed in my planning for this moment?  I went back over all outcomes and I had covered everything.  Then it dawned on me.  While my left side let me know that it was no longer as strong as usual because it had lost two key sources of input,  the puny right side of my brain that is usually hidden and strangled by the dominant left side, poked its head out to let me know that it no longer had its life support system that we call Rebekah.  I had not taken that into account over the last year or so of preparation.  I had failed to fully prepare myself for the definite hole left in my soul that has the exact same shape as Matthew and Rebekah.

Rebbie and her roomie

I am still not sad and I never will be.  I miss them terribly and I always will.  There is a difference.  One can miss someone with all their heart without being sad, but instead being happy and excited, and that is exactly how E- and I are right now.  I have always and still thank God for entrusting two wonderful, witty, smart, and enjoyable human beings to E- and I.  However, I have always known that neither one was truly "ours"; they belong to God, they are His children.  He allowed us to help raise them as best as we could and help prepare them for exactly this time in their lives.   I just hope that He feels like we did a good job.

The two Freshman (R and M's dog, Toby)

It is on to the next steps in our lives, whether that is becoming empty nesters or that is going to college and following dreams and setting goals.  I love you both Matthew and Rebekah and I always will, just as I will always miss you.  Do great things and make yourselves proud when you look back at your accomplishments.  

You have already made me proud to be your Dad.

Relearned Lessons

Warning:  This post is somewhat long.  Sorry. I culled things out, trust me.  I just have so much to say about the following.  If you want more info, see the link at the end or contact me.

Those that have been around me for a little while know about my family's and my involvement with Royal Family KIDS.  Royal Family KIDS is a national organization that supports week long camps across the country and in other countries now, for children ages 7-11 in the foster care system.  The week long camp is a chance for these campers, many abused, to be kids and hopefully forget for a little while of the pains and hurts that they have gone through in their short lives.  It is a week for those working at the camp to show the campers unconditional love and support for at least a brief timespan and create positive memories that they can hold onto in their roughest moments that may lay ahead.

I am a part of several teams in running, Fleet Feet Huntsville Racing Team, Team Nuun, FitFam, and the group of folks from my church that come together to run this camp is no different - we are a team with the goal of winning except, in this case, the definition of winning is that the campers have a wonderful week.  Just like any other team, there are fits and starts, but, as our camp director noted on Friday night after we had come back from the camp, at some point during the week usually about mid-week, the staff gels into one organism, moving and operating as one, fluidly filling in spots that are empty and need to be filled, usually without words or signals.  That organism protects, cares for, and loves the campers.  Being a part of a team is a wonderful thing, and every year I relearn that again at RFKIDS.  By the end of the week, I am proud to look around and see how well my team has done.  My wife and I are the Aunt and Uncle at the camp and by the end of the week, I actually feel like the campers' Uncle, but I also feel like the Uncle to the staff.

This was the first year, out of the 13 annual camps we have held here in our county, that our camp was actually a camp - held in the woods, sleeping in bunks, showering with critters in the bath house, walking on the trails, and canoeing, among other things.  Given this, it was almost as if it was being held for the first year again.  Everyone was a little hesitant of how the camp was going to go and on edge about ticks, stinging insects, injuries, and the weather, since a lot of the activities would be outside.  I do not believe that anyone else worries about things quite as much as I do.  I worried about sleeping accommodations, about how I was going to get up early and get ready before the kids were awake so I could see them first thing in the morning, about what I was going to do if it was rainy and muddy.  Internally, I was worried about everything.  Elizabeth, my wife, would say that much of that was externally shown and vocalized as well.   Even during the week, I worried over and over again about big things and about the smallest of things.  It is a wonder I don't have an ulcer at this point.

However, as I sit here two days after getting back, it hits me that also over and over again, I was shown by God that I need not have worried.  I was worried because of my limited thinking that I had to make sure things were taken care of, when in reality, God had it covered.  Looking back, I see how He had prepared things in advance and how He took care of things during the week.  I tried to make a list of those items that had been prepared in advance and a list of the little items that I did not need to worry about.  The lists are by no means all inclusive.  There are items that I did not even notice during the week that should be on these lists and my puny brain has missed many, but to give a hint of His awesomeness, I wanted to at least get some down on paper.

Those items that are more than coincidence to me:

• Nuun donated water bottles for the campers (Thank you, thank you, thank you, Nuun) as we were going to need to make sure they stayed well hydrated.  I had asked for 24 because we would have 24 campers.  When I got the box, Nuun had sent 25.  That was okay, because usually we have one lost and so I would have a spare as a replacement.  Just before we went to camp, we found out that we would have 25 campers.  You don't understand the meltdowns that could potentially happen if all but one camper had received a bottle.  Since, for whatever reason, Nuun sent the extra bottle, every child had one.
• Fleet Feet Huntsville donated hats for the campers (Again, thank you, thank you, thank you, FF).  Again, I had asked for some for the campers.  Dink and Suzanne let me know I could come and get them from the store and when I got there, they had laid out way more than I had asked for.  I went ahead and took two bags of them just in case they might be needed by the staff.  Once I had handed out the hats to the campers and to those on the staff that wanted one, I was left with only 5 unused hats.  Incredible.
• Packing for this camp is an adventure every year for me.  I not only worry about making sure I have everything I need but I also help Elizabeth figure out what we need to take for the kids.  As I went through the days of packing (yes, you read that right, days, since I go over and over what I need to take and what I might be missing), there were several items that I kept debating whether to take or not.  In particular, there were two items that I had put away or crossed of the list that I felt like I wouldn't need and they would just take up space.  In both cases, I put them in our bags at the last minute.
• Tegaderm - those that have wrecked on your bikes or taking a spill on a trail may know what Tegaderm is.  It is a type of adhesive bandage that completely covers burns and scrapes and keeps out dirt and water, yet allows the wound to breath and heal quicker.  At the first day at camp, one of the boy campers didn't think they were going to be able to swim (we swam 4 out of the 5 days by the way).  He had wrecked on his scooter and had a big fresh scrape on the back of his shoulder. When he told me and showed me, I went to my bag, pulled out the tegaderm, showed him what it was for, and told him we would put one on every day so he could swim.  The biggest smile came on his face as he realized he would be able to swim.  Right there was the reason for the last minute grab and pack of the Tegaderm.
• Our single roller Addaday massager - Again, debated taking something like this to massage the campers legs.  Last minute, we threw it in our bags.  Turns out that there were several campers that the only thing that would settle them down was to lightly massage their backs.  This became a major tool for Aunt Elizabeth over the week and prevented several episodes.

Those worries we had that we need not have had:

• Ticks, bug bites, chiggers, poison ivy, oh my: So, so worried about all of these with the campers.  Turns out, other than one or two, the campers had none.  Many on the staff on the other hand took the brunt of chiggers.  We had no reports of ticks that had actually bitten.  The fact that none of this impacted the campers was nothing short of a miracle.
• Injuries walking on the stone paths, down steep hills, and on the trails: Not. One. Injury.  Why had I worried?
• Rain and Heat.......  Let me start with the beginning of the week.  It rained all Sunday night and then stopped before the campers arrived.  Monday was cooler and overcast.  Tuesday was the only day of full sun, but not terribly hot.  Wednesday, the day for being on water in canoes, turned out to be cloudy and breezy.  Wonderful weather.  Little did we know at the time (we do not have electronics with us during the day) was that the remnants of Tropical Storm Cindy was heading our way.  Wednesday night is when we throw the kids a birthday party.  We do this because many have not ever had the chance to have one.  Our party this year was a luau party at the pool with some inflatables.  We were very worried that the heavy rain would get there and put a halt to the party.  As TS Cindy approached, someone looked at the radar and the rain was splitting just to the south of us so that, for the whole evening, we essentially stayed dry.  Not only that, but the rain didn't start until we were all back in the bunks and going to sleep.  For Thursday and Friday, we had no storms, had cool weather, and were able to do the remaining outside activities with no issues.  Praise the Lord!

So, given all of the above, what were the items that I relearned yet again?

I relearned not to worry about things I cannot control.  I worry.  I need not.
Teamwork moves mountains.  Rely on teammates to fill the spaces that need filled when you cannot.
If you think you will get tired, when giving unconditional love, you will never be tired.  You will be able to run and not grow weary.

Again, you do not realize how much the thoughts and prayers helped this past week.  Like the above, there were countless little examples where, when we look back leading up to the camp and during the camp, where it is blindingly obvious where God's hand was at work parting the waters and protecting the campers.  Having a prayer army behind us and in front of us did not go unnoticed during the week and gave us all peace during the times when we needed it the most.

Why do I support this camp?  While the campers may not be as well behaved as children that have a loving, stable family to develop in, their hearts are full of love and joy - it is just very hard to get them to let some of it out due to their mistrust and fear.  When it does peek through a little bit, it is as beautiful as the sun shining through the rain clouds and storm.  To see these moments of sun rays in their lives is worth it all.  For the last couple of nights, all I have dreamt about were the faces of the campers.  While this camp can exhaust you and impact your emotions, the days after, for me, are full of dichotomies.  I am tired, yet fully refreshed.  I am sad, yet joyful.  I am depressed, yet on cloud nine.  I am doubtful of their future, yet I trust.

If there is one thing I want to leave everyone with, it is the following.  Every chance you get, love and be nice.  You do not know what that person, that workmate, that family member, or that child has gone through leading up to when they were placed in your path.  They may be right in front of you at that exact moment to hear that word of encouragement, feel that hug, or see the love in your eyes that will turn them around and begin the process of getting out of the valley that they may currently be traveling through.

I truly love these campers and just hope they hold onto the memories from this year's camp.

If you would like more information on the Royal Family KIDS camps, please visit http://royalfamilykids.org