I have stated before, and I will state again, I do not do well with major decisions. I take that back. I do not do well with decisions, period. They can be simple, they can be complex; making decisions causes me anxiety and stress. So when the occasional life-changing decision comes along, you can imagine how much the stress and anxiety ratchets up.
I am on the cusp of one of these right now. This decision will be one of the biggest decisions I have had to make in a long time. While I do not look forward to that day when I actually have to decide, if and when it comes, this decision is self-imposed. I have no one to blame for it but myself.
In thinking about this decision though, I also began thinking about how I handle items like this and what I might be able to do to help ease the stress and anxiety. I see others making hard, life-changing decisions and I wonder how they do it without showing any stress. How do they look so calm and happy when going through the decision making process?
For me and my obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I make lists. Pros and Cons. Random thoughts. Others' inputs and ideas on the topic. I don't necessarily do this so that I can rank them and see if they offset each other. I do it mainly just to do it. I like the process. I like seeing it "on paper". I like being able to read through them over and over. I like being able to think about things that I may have forgotten.
Lists calm me.
By the way, I don't do this just for decisions. Any time I travel, I have a list for packing. If I don't do that, inevitably I forget something. For example, as I sit here and type this in Colorado Springs, I am sporting 3 days worth of beard growth. Why, you ask? It is not because I forgot my razor. However, I did forget the charging cord for my razor. And my razor had enough juice left for one shave. Yes, my lists go to the detail of not only listing razor, but also listing the charging cord. I didn't make a list and print it out and I failed. My family makes fun of me for having packing lists, but they just do not understand the depths of my stress about forgetting something.
So, besides my calming lists, I am trying techniques to not induce excessive stress upon myself over this potential, impending decision I will have to make. Yoga helps. Reading helps. Lying in my bed with my eyes closed and trying not to panic helps.
So I am soliciting input from you all. What do you do that helps you stay calm over big decisions you have to make? What techniques do you have that help you figure out the right decision for you? How do you keep so calm and happy looking when your mind is racing over pros and cons? Send them to me.
I am making a list.
Drink.
ReplyDeleteNo but seriously. I actually had a friend that was recently discussing making an "anxiety map" for things she was worried about. Her words: "so you write down what the issue is and you write out a scale of best to worst case scenario outcomes. for the worst case scenario, you write out what your reaction(s) would be to it and what the end result(s) would be of your reaction. you are essentially summarizing what is “at risk” in the issue so you can decide how to prepare or prevent it, and writing all of it out can help you ground your fears and rationalize just how bad (or not really that bad) the worst case scenario is of the issue. being able to boil it down helps you prepare for it which should alleviate your anxiety at least a little bit!"
I pretty much do something similar, just not on paper- I ask "what's the worst outcome? Can I handle that? How would I handle that?"...
And then you suck it up, and make a decision, and stop worrying about the other things that could have happened if you had chosen differently. Because NOT making a decision.... is still a decision.
Interesting blog! I too hate making decisions. Recently I read The Undoing Project, Michael Lewis's book about the noted psychologists Kahneman and Tversky. At one time during their many years of collaborating on research, they considered the role that anticipation of regret plays in human decision-making. They believed that if people always got to find out what was behind the door not chosen, fear of regret would loom even larger in their deliberations. "The absence of definite information concerning the outcomes of actions one has not taken is probably the single most important factor that keeps regret in life within tolerable bounds."
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, do you know the song Big Decisions by My Morning Jacket? If not, you should find it and listen to it. I'm not saying it will help you with your dilemma, but it's a cool song. :-)
Good luck with your decision! -- EW
Just listened to it. Had not heard it before.
Delete