Lifeline

Been a little while since I last posted.  I have busy going back and forth between AL and CO and trying to settle into a new routine in a new city and state.  Getting new hangouts (which is pretty easy since there is a coffee shop as well as a brewery within 50 yds of my apartment building), finding new places to run, and exploring a new location have taken up most of my time besides work.

As I expected, the hardest part is being away from E- for long stretches of time.  I knew this part was going to be hard and it still continues to be.  This process is solidifying one thing though.  How much I love her and how much I enjoy being with her.  I have known for a very, very long time now, since our graduate school days in Clemson, that she is my best friend.  However, I now have cemented it in my brain that she is much more than that.  I cannot put into words how nice it is for me when I know that she is in the same house as I am.  I don't have to be in the same room and don't have to be in visible contact with her.  I just have to know that she is there and I am happy and content.  I just have to know that I can find her and give her a hug and a kiss if I want to.  I just have to know that I can hear her voice if I want to.  It sounds cliché, but she is my soul mate in every sense of the word.

When I wake up in the morning here in CoS or when I walk in the door when getting home from work, I have that momentary thought of looking for her.  It is quickly replaced by being somewhat disheartened when I remember where I am and where she is.  She is in my thoughts a lot.  I definitely miss her big time.  Even though we are miles apart, I still feel that lifeline that connects me to her.  It is my fuel line and it is what sustains me.  It has for over 25 years now and I am more dependent on it now than I have ever been.  Without it, I truly believe I would waste away to nothingness.

So, while I sit here enjoying one of my new hangouts, I have many wishes.

I wish she was across the table from me reading a book and enjoying a coffee with me.

I wish she was here so I could show her that I am capable of cooking a decent dinner even though I still have my doubts.

I wish she was here to enjoy exploring this city with me.

I wish she was here so I could see and hear her when I wake up in the morning, when I get home from work, and that she is the last thing I see before going to sleep at night.

I wish she was here so that my lifeline was not stretched quite so far.

I wish she was here because she is my best friend and she is my soul mate.

I wish she was here.