Run to Race or Race to Run

I have been thinking the last couple of weeks about races.  Not about running one really, but just about those larger races that have taken place the last couple of months.  I see folks I know talking online about races they participated in or have coming up or speak to local runners about how their races went.  With Memorial Day just occurring, there was a lot of talk about Bolder Boulder and locally about the Cotton Row Run here in Huntsville.  When reading about folks races and talking to others, I am really not jealous that I didn't get to race with them.  I haven't really felt anything that would be classified as missing running in the races.  I have sort of been like this my whole life, but here in the past 3 years maybe, I have not had the urge to jump in weekend races or participate in many races during the year.

Now don't get me wrong, I still absolutely love running. You may think I am nuts, but I enjoy my alarm going off at 5 and finding the inner push to get out of bed and get out on the roads.  I enjoy the training.  I thrive on the self-motivation.  I enjoy having a plan from Coach Will and I love having the discipline to follow that plan.  I love the track workouts; I love the tempo runs; I love the long runs; I love the short, easy recovery runs. Ok - truth in advertising, I only like the tempo runs.  I love when they are over and I have accomplished them though.  There is something satisfying about having a plan and accomplishing that plan week after week.

I just do not love the races though.  I am not talking about not loving the effort required to run a race.  I am talking about just not feeling it when it comes to stepping up to the starting line.  I am likely in the minority among runners, here.  I feel like most runners enjoy racing and tolerate training so that they can race harder and faster.  I, on the other hand, only really use a race as a focal point to base my training around.  It gives a little upper to just going out every day and doing whatever sort of training run I feel like doing.  It adds a plan to the training.  I like the idea of a race being somewhere out there in the future that my training is based around.  I just don't like when it comes time for that race.

To be honest again, most times waking up on the morning of a race, driving to the race, and toeing the starting line actually mildly terrifies me.  Yes, you read that correctly.  It scares me.  Now I have always had nerves when it comes to racing, but the past couple of years those nerves have morphed into being downright scared.  I do not know what is scary to me.  I don't think it is some innate fear of failure or fear of not placing somewhere high, but I cannot rule that out I guess.  Maybe with the injuries that have plagued me over the past couple of years, I now have instilled a correlation in my head to racing and having a sidelining injury and my body and mind would rather not race than have to take a long time off from training.  I have joked with myself many times that a sports psychologist is what I really need.

My running self has evolved into someone that races to run.  What I mean by that is I would rather just be training for a race than actually racing.  I no longer run to race.  I no longer put up with training so that it makes me a better racer.  In thinking about this over the past several weeks, I don't know if this is normal for folks my age that are well on the downward slope of the ability graph.  Is this something that comes about when you are somewhere around the half century mark?  Or is it just how my body and mind have decided to live out this portion of my life.

I would like to know, if for no other reason than my own sanity, what others think.  For those that are around my age or older, do you still enjoy racing?  Did there come a time in your life where you changed from running to race to racing to run like I have?  For those not around my age, what are your thoughts? Am I in the minority when it comes to this?

Let me know.

While I wait to see what everyone else thinks, I will continue to revel in my alarm going off and in hitting the roads to follow the plan that Coach has set for me.  I will continue to bask in the glow of my training runs and accomplishing them, knocking them off day by day.  And, since it is hard for me to let go of things, I will continue to stress about and fear race days.